What They Don’t Say on the Family Group Chat (Part 2)
The Expectations Are Real—But They are Not Yours Alone to Carry.
Let us get into it.
After Part 1, the DMs, voice notes, and comments poured in. Women abroad—especially Afro-global women—felt seen, heard, and understood.
But one thing kept coming up:
“The pressure from back home is exhausting.”
You know the question.
“So… what have you achieved since moving abroad?”It sounds casual—but it’s often coded.
“You have been gone for years—where is the proof?”
For women abroad, that question can feel heavy. Sometimes, they are barely staying afloat, and they feel like nobody sees the systems they are up against.
But here is what I have come to understand - having experienced both the pressure and the expectations.
The pressure did not just appear from thin air—we co-created it.
When I say We, I mean us as a black community. We collectively put “abroad” on a pedestal. Those who left only told stories about success overseas, and those left behind clapped the most and loudest for the ones who left. In doing so, we wrapped migration in a halo of wealth, status, and return gifts.
We made it seem like getting on a plane was the win. That breathing foreign air was the finish line.
Meanwhile, many abroad struggled in silence.
Because the whole truth is this: Living abroad is still just life.New systems. New stress. New hurdles. No shortcuts.
And when you visit home, after having saved for that one December holiday, that one month to feel normal, to feel joy?
You don’t want to explain how hard it’s been. You just want to be. So when your auntie asks, “What have you done?”
She is not always judging. She often repeats the myths we never corrected.
So here is where I see accountability come in—on both sides.
If you are abroad, You are allowed to say:
“Actually, it’s hard right now. I’m building slowly. It takes time.”
You don’t need to lie or overperform. But you do get to reshape the narrative.
If you are back home, Ask with love, not pressure. Not everything is a success story—some are still finding their feet, and that counts, too.
This post is for the woman who left with dreams, pressure, and a prayer and still sometimes sits in her room wondering if she’s done enough.
Let me tell you: You have.
Even if you haven’t bought land.Even if you haven’t sent money home.
Even if you don’t post your wins online.
You are becoming someone. And that matters because some of you are raising kids alone in a foreign country, working shifts that break your back, and fighting systems that were never built for you.
So, if all you did this year was pay rent and stay sane—you are doing more than enough.
Yes, families have expectations. And yes, you want to give back.
But nobody’s asking what it’s costing you to survive.
So before you invest in a house back home, invest in your own wholeness.
If this feels familiar to you, I created something with you in mind.
It's not a course that promises overnight clarity.
But a space to pause, process, and pivot—on your own terms.
It’s called The ReIntroduction, a four-session private support experience for Afro-global women who are quietly carrying everything and wondering if they are allowed to choose themselves again.
If you want to explore what’s next—with support, not pressure—